I lie in an empty room. I match the ceiling fan movements, twisting and turning in bed. My body won’t let me sleep. In just a few short hours, I will start a new journey into the curated world we call the global pandemic. I can't believe this is happening, especially when it only took a single phone call to change my life.
That call came in April, 2020. I sat in front of the computer at my desk. I noticed the time: 12 noon. The cursor mocked me as it kept blinking on the screen. I needed words to fill my final paper of the semester, but I didn’t have the motivation. Why should I? Ever since spring break, I watched the world turn upside down.
Businesses shut down.
Schools resorted to online learning.
People were stuck in their homes unless they went to the grocery store. As for me, I moved home with my family in Little Elm, Texas. We were all under one roof again after three years apart. Cancellation after the cancellation of opportunities I had lined up that year were gone. After graduation, I was supposed to travel around the country with my fellowship. But due to the pandemic, it was moved online.
My final semester of undergrad at the University of North Texas was nothing I could have imagined. UNT transitioned to remote and online classes for the rest of the spring semester. I would never see my Class of 2020 again. The worst part? I couldn’t walk the stage to receive my diploma in front of family and friends -- a moment my family had been looking forward to my entire life.
I felt depleted, lacking the energy to finish my remaining few classes.
I felt defeated.
I had to finish.
While trying to push the words out of my head and onto my paper, the phone rang. I didn’t recognize the number but answered anyway. It was an HR representative from a news station in Waco, Texas.
I froze, croaking out a hello. A few months earlier I had applied to be a news producer. When the pandemic hit, I never heard from them so I figured they weren't hiring. But they offered me a job; they wanted me on their team.
My hand went numb. I nearly dropped the phone. Had I just received the offer of a lifetime? My thoughts swirled in my head. I was still in grad school. I was actively participating in a fellowship. And there was something nice about being back with my family again.
I snapped back into reality.
“What do you say?” she asked, pressing me.
I paused. I didn’t have an answer. There was a lot to consider. “How long do I have to give you an answer?”
“Twenty-four hours,” she said.
That was noon the next day. I hung up and ran downstairs to tell my parents. I needed to talk to someone. I jumped into my dad’s arms and started to cry.
“ I got a job!”
After dancing with excitement, reality kicked. I told my parents I needed to decide by the next day.
My parents told me without hesitating to take the job.
But what about them? What about my fellowship? I wanted to think about it more. But I didn’t have much time to make a decision.
The clock was ticking.
2 p.m.
I needed input, expert advice, so I emailed and phoned a few journalism professors and mentors.
I told them about the opportunity. I badgered them with questions. I got the same answer.
"Take the job," they all said, as if reading from the same script.
Yet, I was still stumped.
The answer should be easy. The job meant a full-time salary - the station would even let me stay in grad school-- plus, they agreed to pay for it. The job offered an extra stipend to help pay rent for an apartment. Plus, they were willing to hire me in the middle of a pandemic. Thousands of people had lost their job in the last few months and would kill to have this opportunity.
Of course, I would be living on my own for the first time in my life.
5 p.m.
I needed fresh air. I took a walk with my mom and brother. The sun had a beautiful, warm honey- glaze as it began to set. The trees whistled as we all walked around the neighborhood talking about my decision. Although they were both excited for me, I was still stuck. Spending time with my family was something I didn’t take for granted. During the pandemic, we grew stronger as a family, cooking together, playing games and exercising together. I was getting used to being home. Walking away would be hard.
And for the first time, I would be all alone.
8 p.m.
As we finished dinner, I went to my room to be alone. I paced around my room. My thoughts spiraled out of control. I kept hearing different voices in my head, voices that grew so loud I could no longer hear my own thoughts. I panicked. I would never find the right answer.
I heard a knock at my door. It was Dad. We sat on the bed in silence before he spoke.
“At the end of the day, Cyd, this is your decision. Don’t think about your professors, your friends, don’t even think about us. Think about yourself. What would be the decision for Cydne to make? That could be here with us, or away in Waco. Don’t worry about us or your fellowship. Do this for you,”
I nodded, and he left me alone with my thoughts.
4 a.m.
I couldn’t sleep. I rolled over and looked at the time. It was just after 4. I had only eight hours left to decide. I sat up and looked around the room. This could be the last time I lived in my room. There was only one other place to turn for help. I sat up, closed my eyes and bowed my head in prayer.
11 a.m.
I woke up and went straight to my computer. Words started to flow out of me like a waterfall. I could see the direction my final paper was going for the first time in weeks. I felt unstoppable. Was this the confidence I needed to make my final decision?
Time was running out. My phone rang. It was the same Waco area code.
Time was up. I hesitated to pick up my phone, but I knew what I had to do.
A month later, I lay in my bed in my own apartment. This isn’t a dream, this is reality - my new reality. I decided to take the job for nobody else but me. My future, my decision. I knew this opportunity would never happen again if I stayed home. I would graduate and have no idea where life would take me next especially with the uncertainty of the pandemic.
So, I quit my fellowship. I continue with grad school. I start my career in a few hours.
Could it be the wrong decision? I don’t think so, But if it was, it was mine to make, mine to begin this new chapter in my life.
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